Tricia Friedman

PAUSE together: a companion guide to companion AI

Children learn how to relate to AI and technology by watching us.

These resources are designed to help you model healthy skepticism and emotional regulation in real-time.

Whether it is a voice assistant using your nickname, or an AI chatbot feigning loneliness, this page provides the specific language and “mental pauses” you might experiment with.

A 3D animated icon featuring a circular shape with a blue background and an orange pause symbol in the center, set against a light backdrop.

P Pause & Notice
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CASEL: Self-Awareness

Ask: What feeling or need is present before I use this?

“I notice I’m reaching for this because I feel overwhelmed. I’m going to pause…”

Why: Awareness prevents unintentional deepening of engagement (Merrill et al., 2025).

A Autopilot Check
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CASEL: Self-Management

Ask: Am I choosing this use, or slipping into it?

“I planned to use this for a few minutes. My timer went off, so I’m stopping now.”

Why: Self-management develops best when children see intentional stops (OECD, 2025).

U Unlike Real People
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CASEL: Social Awareness

Ask: How is this interaction different from being with a person?

“This responds quickly, but it doesn’t have feelings like a person does.”

Why: Risk of social substitution during vulnerability (Register et al., 2025).

S Skills for Relationships
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CASEL: Relationship Skills

Ask: What skills do I practice with people that I don’t practice here?

“I wasn’t listening well earlier. I’m going to try again and fix that.”

Why: AI interactions do not require repair or negotiation (Weir et al., 2025).

E Every Choice Has Trade-Offs
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CASEL: Responsible Decision-Making

Ask: Is this a trade-off I would explain out loud?

“I’m skipping that feature because I don’t want to share personal info…”

Why: Children learn judgment by observing adults reason (Livingstone et al., 2017).

Rehearsing PAUSE: Try a variety of devices to “scaffold” the skills your child needs.
🎤
The Voice Assistant When your child shouts commands…
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PRACTICING ‘S’ (Skills for Relationships)

The Moment: Your child yells “PLAY MUSIC!” without saying please, because the device doesn’t require manners.

The Rehearsal: Don’t just scold. Explicitly explain the difference.

“I know Alexa doesn’t have feelings, so she doesn’t care if we are rude. But I care. I practice being polite to the robot so I remember how to be polite to people.”
🤖
The Robot Vacuum When your child feels bad for it…
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PRACTICING ‘U’ (Unlike Real People)

The Moment: The vacuum gets stuck or runs out of battery. Your child says, “Oh no, he’s tired! Poor Sharky!”

The Rehearsal: Validate the empathy, but correct the category.

“It’s sweet that you care, but Sharky isn’t tired like a puppy. He is a machine that needs power. He doesn’t feel pain when he bumps into walls; he just calculates a new path.”
📺
The Streaming App When the next episode auto-plays…
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PRACTICING ‘A’ (Autopilot Check)

The Moment: The episode ends and the “Next Episode in 5…” countdown starts. It feels easier to just let it happen.

The Rehearsal: Narrate the friction.

“Do you see that countdown? The app is designed to put us on Autopilot so we don’t stop. I’m going to press ‘Stop’ on purpose so we decide what to do next, not the TV.”
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References
  • Kouros, T., & Papa, V. (2024). Digital mirrors: AI companions and the self. Societies, 14(10), 200. https://doi.org/10.3390/soc14100200
  • Livingstone, S., Mascheroni, G., & Staksrud, E. (2017). European research on children’s internet use: Assessing the past and anticipating the future. Journal of Children and Media, 11(1), 3–20. https://researchonline.lse.ac.uk/id/eprint/68516/1/Livingstone_European%20Research%20on%20Children_2018.pdf
  • Merrill, K., Mikkilineni, S. D., & Dehnert, M. (2025). Artificial intelligence chatbots as a source of virtual social support: Implications for loneliness and anxiety management. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1549, 148–159. https://doi.org/10.1111/nyas.15400
  • Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. (2025). How’s life for children in the digital age? OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/0854b900-en
  • Park, J. K., Singh, V. K., & Wisniewski, P. (2025). Current landscape and future directions for mental health conversational agents for youth: A scoping review. JMIR Medical Informatics, 13, e62758. https://doi.org/10.2196/62758
  • Turkle, S. (2017). Reclaiming conversation: The power of talk in a digital age. Penguin Press.
  • UNICEF. (2025). Guidance on AI and children (Version 3.0). UNICEF Innocenti.
  • Weir, I. B., Stroud, A. M., Stout, J. J., Barry, B. A., Athreya, A. P., Bobo, W. V., & Sharp, R. R. (2025). Physician perspectives on the impact of artificial intelligence on the therapeutic relationship in mental health care. JMIR Mental Health, 12, e81970. https://doi.org/10.2196/81970
  • Zelazo, P. D. (2015). Executive function: Reflection, iterative reprocessing, complexity. Developmental Review, 38, 55–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2015.07.001

Looking for more ways to sustain this conversation?

An infographic titled 'Partners' explaining how AI companions impact families, with sections on rules, purpose, emotions, technology intent, and responsible sharing. It features prompts for families to discuss their values and guidelines regarding AI usage.

Learn more about a ‘PARTNERS’ approach